Fantastically Courageous

There is a scene at the beginning of the movie “Me and You and Everyone We Know” where Christine Jesperson (Miranda July) is looking at some photos and imagining the dialogue between a couple sitting on a beach.

"If you really love me, then let's make a vow, right here, together, right now. Repeat after me. I'm gonna be free. I'm gonna be brave. I'm gonna live every day as if it were my last. Fantastically, courageously, with grace."

That has always stuck with me. Not just the way it was written, but how it was said. There is so much passion in her delivery. But when you look at it another way—spoken to oneself—that vow becomes incredibly powerful. Most of the time, we do the exact opposite. We bend ourselves into knots trying to figure out why the world isn't validating us. We stretch ourselves thin trying to navigate a stressful shift at work, the daily demands of raising kids, a looming project, or an environment that leaves us feeling unseen. We look for a sign, a word of appreciation, a lifeline from the outside to tell us that we're doing okay. That’s the trap. When fishing for validation we miss the one person that respects us most: ourselves. The secret to escaping that loop? Choice. "I'm gonna be free."

One of the things I've learned on this journey is that life demands that you show up and show love for yourself first. When you finally turn a blind eye to the external noise and say, “With all my effort, I will focus on me,” that is when things shift. Loving yourself through the turmoil isn't about ignoring your responsibilities; self love isn’t selfish. It’s about deciding how you’ll show up and love yourself in the middle of a trying time. When you’re feeling the weight of the world, that’s the exact moment to stop waiting to hear someone else tell you that you're fine, that you did a good job, or that you're appreciated. You’re the one who has to look in mirror (inside) and say it. “Because when it ‘s dark outside—and it does get dark—you have to remember to call out your own name. “ If you don't love you, you won't be able to hold on to the good things when they finally arrive. You'll miss the opportunities to cherish and love the abundance that is meant for you.

So if  there’s one thing you take away from this understanding, let it be this: stop trying to earn your worth from the things that take from you—the people who don't see you, the job that drains you, the love that leaves you empty.

Instead, use those reserves of tenderness, of kindness, of patience, and apply them to yourself. So that you might live and love fantastically, courageously, and with grace.